It's Been Awhile

October 24, 2016 

It's been awhile since I've posted. I kind of went into a dark place. Spent most of my days in bed crying but it seems that life has finally decided to look up for me. I have a new job and working on getting a second. Soon I'll be able to move into my own place with the kids and start my life completely anew.

Haven't gained any weight but haven't lost anymore. I'm doing really bad with the walking my dog goal mostly because I'm working evenings so I'm not home until late.

My 6 year old had a seizure last week and if we had found him a few minutes later he wouldn't be here. Talk about scary... I texted my husband on the way to the hospital to let him know the condition of his stepson but he never responded. I didn't figure he would. It wouldn't surprise me if he's gotten a new phone or new number. I am not even 100% sure where he's living to serve our divorce papers... I don't even know if he even wants a divorce because I messaged him about it weeks ago and he never responded. I guess I'm just going to have to assume and go on with it.

I got myself a cat and named her Minerva after Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter. She's my fluffy therapy kitty. She likes cuddles and to lick people.

Life has been hectic but I'll move forward.

Progress I Guess

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Tracy Starr's Diary

October 12, 2016

Day 2 of this whole diary thing and I have to say that I failed today. I have been crying like a baby today. I cried yesterday when I wrote my husband an e-mail telling him that if he wanted a divorce that I was done fighting and he could have it. Today I cried because even though it needed to be said I don't want my marriage to be over. I mean holy hell we've only been married for a month. How can I love someone this much when he probably never loved me anyway? I mean I am a glutton for punishment,

Good news for today is that I got accepted to college. Going to go for special education and hopefully continue working with autistic kids.

Didn't give the dog a walk today and haven't lost any weight yet so that's a bad start to my goals I've set.

I guess I have to take the good with the bad. Progress is progress.

Starting A Diary

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Tracy Starr's Diary

October 11, 2016

Here I am a divorcee and mom of 3 starting my life over.

Got married again September 9, 2016. By the end of September he was gone. I got dumped in middle school fashion. He went to work and never came home. I figured he wasn't coming back when I was deleted and blocked on Facebook.

I found myself homeless and living with my ex husband. Getting drunk, vomiting, and crying more than I thought humanly possible. I'm not even 30 yet and I'm already facing life alone. 2 marriages and 3 special needs kids I'm not exactly prime pickings.

"And that was it. Right there. Right there. That was the moment. I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs."
-Bridget Jones
Bridget Jones's Diary

So just like my favorite female heroine I have decided to write a diary. I also will start out with my yearly goals.

One 
Will lose at least 40 lbs by next October.
Will go on a walk with my dog Mac every night before bedtime to help with this particular goal.

Two
Will be moved out of my exes house by January 1st of 2017.

Three
Will continue with enrollment in college that I have already started and actually follow through with getting my special education degree.

Four
Will find my own identity outside of a relationship and being a mother.

and...

Five 
Will not enter into another relationship with anyone no matter how hard it is or how lonely I feel.

This journey is going to be long and hard but I'm glad to get started.